swg forums post

[Balaso]

This little gem can be found in sony's swg forums. I posted it here because I didn't know how long it would stay on thier boards.:

Leonard Wolfgang (NGE Overlord) Letter to the community
Hey Gang!

We've been overwhelmed by how thrilled everyone is at our AMAZING new changes and I thought I'd take this opportunity to walk you through some more fabulous enhancements we're planning to add over the coming days:

Rotating Gameplay!

Changing the gameplay twice in 6 months is no longer able to appease the gaping voids in our souls that can only be filled by money so we will be implementing an exciting new innovation in online gameplay. Get this - Rotating Game Engine, it's so stupid it HAS to work! Every 2 weeks the game engine will be changed to ape that of whatever is selling the best, could be Super Mario Bros on the NES it could be a bass fishing sim - there's just no telling what we'll do next! OBEY.

New Player Races!

Recently fabricated figures have revealed to us that a staggering 200% of our precious, beloved community are eager to explore more "starwarsy" races so we've done away with those "so 5 minutes ago" ones and added a new gaggle of races we think will make us more money and attract children, children with money.

- Gungans

Whosa doesn't love the gungans eh?! Am I right or what? And now yousa canna be jussem likes such fan favourites as Jar Jar Binks...or Brian Blessed or the, you know, the one with the Charles Bronson moustache! Look out for new racial abilities like /bumble, /caper and /irritate!

- Mouse Droids

It occured to us that we could save ourselves a lot of money if player characters were easier to animate and code. When we asked our focus groups, mainly consisting of convicts on work-release, children and SONY accountants they were excited almost to the point of indifference! Finally a race that can scuttle, and bleep and store up to 10 inventory items unbound by frivolities like combat, talking to other players and doing stuff!

- Ikopi

Can you say /graze? Good.

We're Here For You

We also understand there have been some "concerns" expressed by the so called "crafters" and "creature handlers" so we have tirelessly worked to come up with a solution that we're sure you'll agree will make sure everyone important is happy. Get bent you nerds, shut your cryholes, you think we owe you an explanation?! Your characters will now be interred in one of our exciting new battery farms where you will remain until the time comes that you are destroyed for food to nourish our more valued players like Bounty Hunters - Bounty Hunters with money.

New Profession Mastery System

Some players aren't fond of the grind at the end of a profession to fill that coveted Master box so we have come up with a way to condense those hours of mind-numbing grinding into a few painful seconds: hurt yourself. Simply send us a photgraph of you harming yourself in some way and you'll be sporting that Master title in no time! And we don't mean like an indian burn or anything either, you people say you love this game and now it's time to find out how much. SUFFER.

Monthly Subscription Enhancements!

To add a more "starwarsy" flavour to our wallets we are now adding an exciting new 7 bucks onto your monthly subscription fee! The bling bling doesn't pay for itself, you feel me? WE OWN YOU.

We realise that with change comes certain sacrifices and boy, you guys are great, way to take it on the chin. I just know that with all the hours you've wasted on the classes we decided to discard on a whim and your continued financial support we can realise our goal to continuously cheapen the Star Wars experience, the one we all know and love from the Ewok movies and cartoons; action-packed, story-driven, Star Wars fun. And for our veterans there's always the token incentives that we may or may not eventually decide to delete/nerf depending on how capricious we're feeling that week!

In closing I'd like to thank all of you for your loyalty and input; I mean, they don't really mean anything to us but thanks anyway, we'll see that you get a new hologram or something.

May The Force Be With You


Leonard Wolfgang - NGE Overlord